Shauna is beautiful, with flawless hazel eyes and straight dark hair, spunky bangs and a bob that matches her always-upbeat character. I shrugged my shoulders, only half looking up. There were two ways to find out: Could I ever reveal a detail about myself, or even just a shitty day of work, without wondering if she was picking it apart and analyzing it? How do you talk about it without seducing the patient and with keeping your professional ability to think and to reflect? Atlas explains that there are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed between therapist and patient under any circumstances — like having sex with them, obviously. We talk about all of this during one of my scheduled sessions, for the entire hour — and go over by a few minutes, too. All I can do is stare back. I turn my attention towards the presence of countertransference in our session.
Atlas says this topic speaks to every facet of the therapeutic relationship, regardless of gender or even sexual orientation, because intimacy reveals emotional baggage that both the patient and therapist carry with them into the session. Frankly, all those questions could be answered in the positive. It seems my emotional workouts in erotic transference were just beginning to produce results. Atlas has an upcoming book titled The Enigma of Desire: I was too insecure and too single to handle such a compliment from a beautiful woman. How do you talk about it without seducing the patient and with keeping your professional ability to think and to reflect? My entire body feels tense, not ideal for the setting. There was no in between. In order to be able to be vulnerable, both parties have to feel safe. We talk about all of this during one of my scheduled sessions, for the entire hour — and go over by a few minutes, too. All I can do is stare back. On my walk home, instead of being angry at Lori, I understand her thinking behind the text. So upon the precipice of my return to therapy I told Shauna about Lori, and admitted to having mixed feelings about what I was getting back into. We both know the answer to that question. It can become a cycle of behavior that Lori seeks to break. Do you deny it? I see what she means. A patient may in turn contemplate that a love is blossoming between them, and, in fact, it sort of is. I refer back to the time when, unprovoked, she brought up my attraction to her. In order for Lori to advance in her field as a social worker, she has to attend 3, conference hours with another professional to go over casework — kind of like therapy quality control. Her quick wit kept me entertained, and I could tell by the way she so seriously spoke about dancing, her chosen profession, that she is passionate about the art form and mighty talented too. In treatment I came to realize that all people have contradictions to their personalities. Could I ever reveal a detail about myself, or even just a shitty day of work, without wondering if she was picking it apart and analyzing it? I make my way into the living room, angry at myself for not changing the settings on my new iPhone to disallow text previews on the locked screen. She says she liked the fact that I was wearing a blazer and a tie on a first date. Would she ever see me as a lover, a partner, an equal, and not a patient?
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