You can opt out at any time. Men, on the other hand, have traditionally used their sex lives as a status symbol with other men. And sure, when we break up and feel crappy , we may go on a little sex spree to feel good about ourselves. And those don't even include the potential gains from faking orgasm. But it remains a profound force to be reckoned with in treatment, especially when it starts to run amuck, as in nymphomania, satyriasis, pedophilia , mania, pornongraphy or sex addiction , and marital infidelity. Sex, Attachment, and Our Psychological Needs Humans have evolved a psychological system of emotional attachment. Such malignant mixtures of sex and rage reach destructive extremes in the deviant evil deeds of rapists and some psychopathic serial killers. Men tend to be able to separate sex from love, eros or romance; whereas women tend to equate the two.
It is humbling to our spiritual hubris. It reminds us that we are, first and foremost, as Freud pointed out, passionate creatures, motivated and driven by primitive, irrational forces operating just below the surface of civilization and rationality far more powerful than our puny little egos. Sex and human sexuality are a core part of being human, so it's natural to wonder about sex in all of its different forms. Even if one manages to suppress those needs, they come roaring back in the forms of neediness and overcompensation. Certainly, there are exceptions to these tendencies. It finds expression in other ways, some positive and creative, and others negative and destructive. This is something most married people struggle with. Hey, whatever keeps your relationship alive. In other words, tequila shots — no matter how much the commercials want you to believe — is not an aphrodisiac. Men think women are being clingy and manipulative, whereas women think men are being insecure and desperate. The good news is that nowadays, having a sexual concern such as erectile dysfunction ED or problems with getting aroused is no big deal. At that time in Victorian Vienna, there was widespread repression and dissociation of sexual feelings and impulses, which, as Freud discovered, resulted in neurotic symptoms. Psychosomatic Medicine, 63 2 , — Learning martial arts can fulfill our needs for security and esteem. Indeed, nowadays, it is the chronic repression of anger or rage rather than sexuality to which the more mature Freud finally turned his attention that tends to predominate the clinical picture of people suffering from sundry psychiatric symptoms. I would argue the same goes for women. Life goes on, a new generation is born, one is fondly remembered by family, lovers and friends, and what is created and accomplished lives on long beyond death. The idea of sex as a strategy to meet psychological needs sounds weird to many because sex is also a physiological drive, like eating or sleeping. People develop neuroses, addictions, and even delusions to get their needs met. How do we know this? It is vital to understand that, like any strong emotion, sexual attraction need not always be acted upon. Experimenting with drugs can fulfill our need for autonomy and connection. The hidden rhythms of the ovulation cycle, for example, have profound effects on women's sexual desire. The uncanny power of sex to motivate and drive us to seek sexual satisfaction must not be underestimated in our post- Freudian sexual liberation. See my prior posts.
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14. What Motivates Us: Sex
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