IQ points are great, but that's just a piece of smart. A palm reaching through the hole in my jeans to squeeze my knee. There is nothing sexy about a man who pretends to be something he's not, who lacks any depth of feeling, and who doesn't care how much blood he leaves on the tracks. Back then I was seduced by slick businessmen with snazzy cars who traveled in packs. Critical thinking, an unquenchable thirst for learning, and a gift for distinctive self-expression create, for me, a kind of male siren's song. I've also found that stingy men aren't as good lovers as their more generous counterparts. If you gave me a choice between bedding Don Draper and Atticus Finch, I'd choose that soft-spoken lawyer any day. There is nothing sexier than a man who's grounded, who's in command of the impulses and anger that may have derailed him when he was younger, whose quiet confidence telegraphs, without a hint of arrogance, that he has nothing to prove. While squandering one's money and emotions indicate a lack of control or self-worth, counting pennies and withholding genuine contact suggest a preference for things over people.
If you gave me a choice between bedding Don Draper and Atticus Finch, I'd choose that soft-spoken lawyer any day. Strength -- I don't mean how much a man can bench press, although a nice set of pecs doesn't hurt. Sometimes I remembered how a t-shirt clung to one man's shoulders, or how another held my gaze unabashedly over a glass of wine. While squandering one's money and emotions indicate a lack of control or self-worth, counting pennies and withholding genuine contact suggest a preference for things over people. But mostly I reflected on the intangibles -- qualities, values, character traits -- a man must possess so that I want to send plates flying as I crawl across the dinner table and lower myself onto his lap. IQ points are great, but that's just a piece of smart. Affectionate -- Affection is warmth in action. Mindfulness -- Not that long ago, I was attracted to men so ambitious that they appeared to be driven by motors. Recently someone who follows my Instagram posted this question on one of my photos: I don't care how gorgeous a man is; if he can't entice me with his mind, the sexual chemistry won't be there. There's nothing wrong with someone who fits that description -- but razzle-dazzle wears thin quickly without substance to back it up. Not only stingy with money, but also stingy with feelings. In all other contexts I want a man who doesn't try to dominate me, who understands the need for compromise, reciprocity, communication, and respect. I have no time or patience for men who play games and control women in order to feel like men. I gravitate towards men with a palpable sexiness. For me, intellect and humor are inseparable bedfellows. It's impossible for me to connect with someone who's ultra-literal, hyper-serious, and rarely laughs. Sense of humor -- A man who lacks a sense of humor is like a cold shower on legs. There is nothing sexier than a man who's grounded, who's in command of the impulses and anger that may have derailed him when he was younger, whose quiet confidence telegraphs, without a hint of arrogance, that he has nothing to prove. One benefit to being 52 is that I've finally learned what to look for in a man. Warmth -- It's exhausting trying to connect with someone behind walls. I'm talking about internal-fortitude strength. Back then I was seduced by slick businessmen with snazzy cars who traveled in packs. What I've learned is that that kind of "ambition" often masks insecurity, avarice, and aggression, qualities which are not remotely appealing. Did I notice eyes? Even if a guy is hot, if his version of funny doesn't sync with mine, the sexy won't stay sexy for long.
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